tjameswhite.com

Last night during t’ai chi I reached a euphoric state. It was a very strange experience. We began the night as always - doing the full form. I didn’t feel particularly comfortable and was tight and frustrated and sweating like mad. Kim (our teacher) had us go over the 1st third of the form several times focusing on different things - our connection to the earth, the heaven/sky, air, the surrounding chi, all of the above at once, and finally trying to feel our center and everyone around us.

During the final round I felt like a fever broke. I stopped sweating, I stopped feeling tight, all the soreness in my muscles disappeared, all of the effort melted away. My body became a bead on a string that stretched between heaven and earth, the surrounding air provided motion. I could feel the earth take all of my weight, yet there was no pressure on the soles of my feet. I could feel heaven take all of my weight, almost like I could fly.

During the next couple of rounds of the form I was still giddy (can’t think of a better word) and completely lost. I had only a vague sense of where we were in the form, but it didn’t matter. My body was so light and relaxed and I was so plugged into the surroundings that everyone else’s movement moved me and I stayed right with them, position-by-position, move-by-move.

I also had no center. Or my center was the entire world. Either way, for an hour or so I was completely relaxed, happy and invulnerable. It was amazing.

Kim asked me why I was laughing, but I couldn’t tell her. At the time I had no words, no real idea of what was going on. I could feel it, but it had reached a state beyond metaphor, beyond these tight words. Later during the evening, as some of the lightness wore away, I could process what I had experienced. This entry is about as close as I can come to describing it. I now need to work at (or maybe not work at, but again I’m restricted by words) keeping that feeling when I do the form. Class is over for a couple of weeks, so I need to be vigilant in my home practice.

Time for me to try it again now.

When I was creating the About page I nearly left out t’ai chi. And again last night it dawned on me that I don’t list among my traits “practices t’ai chi,” it is simply part of who I am now and I, sort of, take it for granted. It’s along the same lines that I forget I have a moustache - I’ve simply have never not had one and so I don’t consider it as being a trait.

It’s odd how we think of ourselves. It makes me wonder (along with those Quizilla questions) of how others perceive me. How would you describe me? How would you describe yourself?